Zach and I are no longer fighting. w00ts.

I'm also finally caught up in Detective Conan and have no moved on to finishing M.A.R.. It turns out that that's surprisingly easy even though there are 160ish chapter. The chapters are 15 pages each and go by super fast. After that, I think I'll read Soul Eater.

I have a Japanese quiz soon. Studying verbs is tres lame desu yeah. i mix french and japanese. I can't seem to remember "to put on make-up." けしょうする doesn't stick in my mind for some reason. ugh.

Hey everyone. I know it's been a while, but I'm back on LJ again! This time for good... maybe. lol

So I'm writing this post because I need to rant tbh. I'm just so RAWR right now and I couldn't think of any place better than here to let everything out. I don't even care if there's no one here to read it or if no one cares about me anymore.

I've been having this internal struggle of identity for a while now. Not like gender identity or something, but... hmm... social identity, I guess. I feel like I'm no longer the person I was, the person I created, and the person I loved. Here at college, I feel like I'm not Chris, but that gay kid. It bothers me so much. However, the weird thing is that I don't even want to be just Chris. I actually want to be labeled for some terrible reason I don't know. I want to go back to Chris, the nerd/geek/otaku/whatever you want to call it.

I think what bothers me about being roped in with the gay crowd is 1) being grouped with people that generally don't have much in common with me 2) being categorized for something I can't help rather than for something I can. Those are probably both awful reasons, but it's just how it is. I've spent the majority of my life at college hanging out with "the gays" because it was where I felt most accepted. In the beginning, I had just come out and really needed this and I'm so grateful for all of the support I received from the Pride Alliance and its members, but now I need to break away from it. Yes, they accepted me when I needed them most, but I've always had friends that accepted me. Friends that didn't have to be gay to do so and I feel like I turned my back on them.

I'm also slowly wondering why I'm spending my time with "the gay crowd" when all we do is gossip and talk about meaningless shit involving other people. What I wanna talk about is meaningless shit that is relevant to my interests. Like video games and manga and random nonsenses. The other day I stayed up til 3 am playing Pokemon with friends (who live right down to the hall) and watching Pokemon: The First Movie. I can't even begin to describe how happy I was. Like, I honestly felt like I had not had that much fun the entire time I've been at college, as silly as that is. So I ask myself why I spend time with people I have nothing in common with who live far from me on campus instead of hanging out with fellow nerds who live down the hall?

Ever since that night, I've become set on the idea that those are the people I need to reconnect with, those are the people who can make me happy and those are the people who can really understand me.

There's so much more to how I feel about the situation than this, but I can't seem to process it all right now. I also realize at the end of this entry how selfish this may seem, but... idk. I apologize in advance I suppose.

ANYWAYS! How are youuuuuu all? :D;;

So my new suitemate's last name is INABA. That is all.

Me at... 5 or 6(?) years old. lulz.

So I'm laying in my boyfriend's bed while he's at work. I hate him.

He wasn't here when I finally got to his house. I told him I was going to bring over Grandia 3 to keep myself busy while he was gone for 4 hours, but I come over to find that he left RE4 on. He probably didn't save and he's playing on expert... so I don't wanna touch it. Guess I'll be bored for 4 hours... orz;;



Also, I am in love with this man ♥

Hey everyone... So I kinda feel like a dog coming back with its tail between its legs. I'm sorry I've been gone for so long. Really. I guess I just got caught up in things and didn't have time to check in once in a while. That was really shitty of me and I apologize. You guys were a support system for me when I needed you most and I want that to continue with me doing the same in return. I hope you all don't hate me... i also hope you remember me. haha;;

But anyways, nothing is really new or interesting in my life. So sad. But let's see...

• I've been home for a month and it's been alright. I don't do much with my life except surf the web and play video games. haha. Same old, same old, yeah? I'm currently playing Grandia III. and I finally beat P4. Promise!

• Finally got a job! I've been working for a week now and I love it. I'm a "sales associate" at Factory Brand Shoes. 30% discount! Hells yeah!

• Zach and I are crossing 4 months this Wednesday! I couldn't be happier. He really is everything I could ask for and more ♥

• Oh! I got my FAFSA and TAP rewards and they're bigger than last year! That makes me a little relieved in a way.

And sadly, that's really all there is. I mean, I want to start RPing again, but that's a long ways away. I need to get accustomed to being on LJ again. I think I need new icons.

I hope everyone is fine and dandy :3

Someone tell me when Super Junior started sounding like this. I love it so hardcore.

I will learn this dance by the end of May. That is my goal.

fuck. YES!!

My parents finally got me a new laptop. Uploading muziks now! If anyone wants to send me muziks, that'd be awesome!

If anyone has a facebook, they should 1) ADD ME! (the link is in my journal header) 2) start playing MouseHunt!

http://apps.facebook.com/mousehunt/

Seriously. It's so simple, fun, addicting, etc.. Zach got me into it a while ago and I've been hooked on it ever since. I even got a friend into it a week after I started. haha. if you don't like it, that's fine. But at least try it and let me know what you think of it!

This is Perfume's new single!! One Room Disco ♥ I didn't like it the first time I listened to it, but now I love it! The video is so cute :]

So I'm Windham for the weekend and then Albany! I'm so glad to be out of the house. I'm glad I got to see my friends and family, but I love Albany too much to be away for long.

It sucks though because I have no reception. Luckily, I can jack my friend's computer or else I couldn't talk to Zach.

Him and I have been getting along better and better as the days go on. He's spending the weekend at my school when I get back. I'm excited, but I hope my roommate will be ok with a guy in my bed for two nights. haha.

And he's all cute and worrisome too. He was worried he was being too flirty with me and was worried that I wouldn't like him irl. I don't know why, but I think that's adorable. I just told him that we'll take this day by day and just enjoy each other's company for now. Don't want to rush something good, right?

I'm kind of nervous myself actually... Whenever life gets too good, I get really paranoid. I should stop with that.

Ahmmmmm shickkkkkkkkkkkk! *achoo!*

But I love my new brown, almost black, hair ♥

Also, I'm at the 8-bit dungeon in Persona 4. It amuses me so.

I'm learning to rave! It's super fun. I think I'm becoming better with the glowsticks. I suck at using them in my hands, but swinging them on strings is easier for me to pick up. I'm practicing with Infected Mushroom. You should listen to them if you like that type of rave music.

merrrrrrrrrrrr

School has started and it's so exciting! haha. My classes are really awesome, though some may be wicked hard. Oh well. I'm glad to be back, even with the drama starting already.

Oh, and I'm going to start Persona 4 tonight. Fuck KH:Re:CoM for a while. lol.

Now I'm about to smoke hookah, so I can't write a long entry.

All is well ♥

I can't believe I'll be back in Albany in no more than 14 hours! You better believe that I'm counting them down. lol.

Classes don't start until Wednesday, so I'll have 3 days to futz around. I'll probably go look for a job, study Japanese, sell my old text books and play some KH:Re:CoM. I bet I can beat it before classes begin.

If I do eventually find a job, I think I might pay to take dance classes. Probably hip hop! I just hope my back can handle it :( I just want to be active without having to go to the gym >__>

I kind of want busy myself this semester, y'know? I figure it's the best way to focus on positives and stay away from drama. I was planning on asking my friend Melanie to teach me how to knit, too.

So whether it be school work, a job, clubs/activities, knitting, video games... anything, I'll try my best to be happy.

Wish me luck, yeah?

I stayed up all night to do it, but I finally beat The Answer! The ending was... meh. I'm just glad that's one less game to worry about :)

That makes 7 games that I've beaten over my month long break. Of course 5 of them were replays, but still...!

Now I can move on to KH:Re:CoM, and then P4!!! I'm sad to hear P4 is short, but I guess it's a blessing in disguise. I don't need a long distraction from school.

Sleep sounds good right about now... I have plans to see My Bloody Valentine 3D with my cousin today. Plus, I still have to pack for school tomorrow. My brother said the movie was good, but, then again, he hasn't seen the original. I guess I'll have to see for myself.

edit: Finally, I beat the Trickmaster, and I moved on and beat Agraba as well. Remind me to never skip ahead again. But at least KH:Re:CoM is starting to be fun now that I've beaten the Alice boss.

I just noticed that, like, 5 people defriended me. I would be sad if it weren't for the fact that... I don't... care? haha. I mean, this probably happened a while ago anyways. I guess that's less entries to read.

As for more pressing matters, my PS2 component cables are brokeded!

Also, I think I might want to re-do my profile soon. I was thinking something... Marvel-esque. Perhaps something with The Runaways or The Inhumans? :)

edit: Got new cables! Yay! Now PS2 comes with me to Albs!